puteri nur fitri

2008-11-04T08:46:00.000-08:00

life's is upside down right now..i just can't help myself.i'm helpless..i'm totally lost.i don't know who to trust or who to love..i've no one except my true love..my couzy and my fake sister which is nana..but i know they are busy with their life..who is to entertain me?i don't know who to turn to0..my mom?well...she's busy with her husband who is mt step father..i sound like i hate him but i don't it's just that he's not by my mom side when she need someone.i just can't see her cry everyday..all i can say is life's is totally challenging and hard.now...i've to depend on myself and only myself not others...

2008-08-14T04:20:00.000-07:00

its been so long since i log in.=D well...wat can i say ive bin very bz party-ing n spending my time with ma love ones.hmm...today is a badbad day for me....actuali its bout ma mom.she was out in the morning but i was aslip so i called her to asked her where is she...but wen i called she started crying....and its because of my damn uncle...my late father's elder brother.she went to his house to check on them..see if they are ok..but wen my mom knock the door...my uncle's daughter son told my mom that he cant open the damn door...is it wrong for my mom to check on them even if my father's dead???atlis we still tink bout them rather then giving them shit atitude...rite??well...after wat my mom told me wat hapen to her i cried.....we were very close to them and this is what we get in return....they should tell us wat is their problem rather then running away like a coward dog....yeah..they are cowards....or is it because of me...after my father passed away they were against my mother' marriage...so i was the one who stand up for her saying stuff i shouldn't have and my 1st brother was reli mad at me.....i did it cos no one stand up for her and she is my mother afterall...yes im rude to people who is rude to my mom...yes i mus hve a limitation but she is my mother.well....i'll continue next time

2008-06-16T17:02:00.000-07:00

i want my father back!i want no one else!my life is totally different!i hate my life!i can't let him go.people say i've to learn to let go but i can't.i just need him in my life NOW.i'm 8teen,for god sake,i need him to guide me.i know you must be wondering girls usually need their MOM when they grow up but i need my FATHER.MY OWN BLOOD FATHER!!!i don't need any STEP OR SECOND-HAND FATHER.my life is a MESS.i shouldn't have agree with my mom.i shouldn't let her re-married.i don't like the sound of it.i don't care what you people think about it.i just want my family back,where there is laughter,joy,smile.i need it badly.I WOULD SELL MY SOUL JUST TO SEE MY FATHER ONE LAST TIME.well,whenever my second-hand father is around i've to wear a mask and i've to do everything right or else my mom would throw me her sad face and she really wants me to behaved just for him.who the hell is he?he's also a human-being.no one's perfect and i don't give a shit to him anymore.i'm starting to hate him even looking at him disgust me.i'm not trying to be rude.but whenever he's around everything must be perfect and well behaved.come on we're old enough to think.my mom change TOTALLY,just like transformers.you know what,sometimes i'm mad at my mom.in her mind that man is her 1st priority,but we're in her life 1st then him but why the sudden change?i know they are married but must she..god i don't even know how to explain.i don't even like staying at home anymore.i just want to stay outside for as long as i could.sometimes thinking of it makes me cry.but is it worth it?can i just go on to my seperate ways?i don't know when im going to tell my mom bout this.but if i do,it would break her heart but thinking back she always breaks my heart by putting me aside.i cant't believe she build me up and tear me down just like an abandoned house.deep inside my heart is breaking.never going to let HER take the world away from me.i can't believe myself,girl who gives advices to her friends can't even think right now.i can't believe i'm broken inside.trying to hide the pain but it seems so obvious.well,i never saw it coming.this is the first time i ever felt so lonely.how i wish someone could cure this pain.i thought my mom would come around when i ignore her but she's just busy thinking bout herself and not her daughter.i'm going to live today like it's my last day.i'm going to ENJOY and change to better in time to come.JUST WATCH ME!!i think i can make it on my own.

2008-06-12T14:03:00.000-07:00

i am being me.i can't be the perfect girl they want me to be.i need to make mistake just to learn who i am and i don't want to be so damn protected.they must trust me.there is many ways but why they choose this way?i believe in chances but why can't they?but who am i to say?what a tiny girl is to do?i just need answer not question all the time.what am i suppose to do with my life?i fell like i'm stuck in a cage.how am i suppose to know the world?how am i suppose to know what's right?i just can't help feeling this way.i already told them what i would do,wouldn't do,will do but why can't they just trust me but instead scolding me without knowing how i behave?is it fair?it's true i'm their only sister but they have to let me free somtimes somehow,they have to trust me and not their friends saying all the time.i don't need nobody to tell me what i'm going to do with my life,what i must and must not do.i'm so fed up with people telling me to be someone else but me.i used to think that i have answers for everything but now i know that life doesn't always go on my way.i didn't asked for more,i just need time and moment that is all mine.i need memory brothers.there is no need to protect me now,i'm old enough you need not worry that much.it's time for me to learn.i've to learn to face shit on my own.i've seen so much more than you know now,so don't asked to me to do stuff or close my eyes.but if you would atleast once look at me in my eyes.you can see a young girl who will always find her way.it ain't that easy to influence her.she's not what you think she is,bro.all i need now is just your trust but now i see that you ain't trying abit but i'm a superstar in your damn show.you're trying to show people that you care but you don't give a shit to me but you gave all those shit in your love life.so,now i understand your love life is much more important than your so called lil sis.bro i thought you were different but you weren't.i'm sori but im not mad at you i just hate the both of you.i know it's not right saying all this but i've no choice.if you can do it your way so can i.if you can show your stone-head on the streets,don't you think i can do better than you?even if i don't i would let you down no matter what.i'm willing to do it FOR MYSELF.

2008-06-09T10:17:00.000-07:00

am i hurting him by telling him the truth?is it wrong being straightforward?i feel so bad.he's avoiding me after i told him everything.i don't wan to lose him.he's so special but yet i hurt him.i don't think i deserve anyone to love.cause everytime i love someone i lost them by telling them the truth.this time i don't want it to happen,but it did.argh.im so f@#%ed up.i hate it when comes to this stage.whatever it is i have to face it on my own.but what should i do?well,it happen because of my stupid ex,ELIAS.what is the point of continuing a relationship when the other party don't want?it's pointless.but he keep on insisting.but i felt nothing is the same.everything change and now he wants me back but the problem is i don't want him back.i love being with EIREEL.he makes me different and he respect me alot.he can make me smile without looking at me.that's what i like bout him and now i think everything change because of me.why?what am i suppose to do?should i back off?should i avoid everyone?what?!

2008-06-08T13:49:00.000-07:00

you were like my lover and my bestbest friend,
you're wrap in one,
i didn't know how to follow,
you're the reason why i'm thinking,
i let you in my door,and you're my only sunshine,
i thought i wouldn't give myself to anyone,anymore,
but it's a miracle to bring you to me,
ain't it crazy when you're loveswept,
you'd do anything for the one you love,
it's like he's my favourite and harmful drug,
well,he's ugly when he's upset,
and the award for the best in everything goes to him,
he made me feel so....
what can i say?
he really had my heart,
but he'll always be my sun that is shining so bright,
these fancy things will never come in between,
it's like spending time with you doing nothing that makes me happy,
your smile is like a child,
your eyes makes me blush whenever you look at me,
if it's loving that you want,
come and share my world,
i'm he's shawty,
he's my sugar to switten my day!!!!

2008-06-07T09:41:00.000-07:00

IM DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH DUMDUM!!!well.everything just felt diffrent eventhough we felt and sometimes think the same way.sometimes it's hard to be mad at him,i just can't stand him.must everything he do makes me smile?well,i just love being arnd him.the funny thing is i'm afraid to hug him and i don't know why.but he's so0o cute i just want him close.he's extraordinary.i really love this guy.no doubt.he gave me different kind of feelings.he always makes me wanna meet him without him doing nothing.u get it?maybe he had a spell on me.haha.k now i'm talking crap.haha.well,i don't really care what people have to say about me or him,actually i never care bout what they have to say.i can be myself when i'm with him.i can't believe he's the one to fill me up and i hope he wouldn't tear me down.if he did i wouldn't let anyone to fix my heart cause i'm just tired of starting out anew.sometimes it's just a waste of time.he always made me feels like child and he pampered me alot.he gave me feelings that i adore.what am i goin to say,when he made me feels this way?he made me smile even for awhile.i remember the first time i know him.it was at suntec.we were working at the same place yet i didn't notice but he did notice me.after a few days or on that same day he asked he's friend to come up to me.a really cute guy.they call him BEAR.first i thought he was a chicken but on the second it's ok cause if he asked me i wouldn't be able to open my mouth.haha.he was a shy guy just like me AT FIRST.after awhile we meet up,went out,clubs and all then there's this thing call love came up.well,no one can make me feels as happy as he did.HONEST.people say if your partner follow he's own path and you're on your own you'll find someone better and now i do!!life have to move on.no stress,no stress.

2008-06-05T09:33:00.000-07:00

what is a tiny helpless girl to do in this huge round world?is it a lesson?or is it a punishment?well,she's just helpless and lost.she've no one to depend on in her family,she can only depend on this 3 outsider who she treasure alot.at the same time she's trying to avoid them.but why?she just don't want them to see her sad,cry so on and so forth.in her mind it's not worth showing her saddness off.she just don't want her treasured ones to worry bout it so much.they can't do anything but to lend her their shoulders n ears.but is it enough for her?what does she want from life?well,you should ask her yourself.is it worth staying under the same roof with your family who always throw their tantrums at you even if you're not at fault?if it's her mistake she would understand,accept and she can't fight back cause it's her mistake.but why is it so hard for her brothers just to show her some love and care?why can her brothers shower other girls who is not their blood with love,but not her sister?is she a jinx??didn't they think bout her feelings?what are they trying do teach her?whatever she do in that house is always wrong.sometimes she just wish her late father would come back in this world again.without her father everything wreck.just like that.no one is the same,everyone want to be in-charge.is it worth being good?is it worth listening?well,she couldn't asked for more because she have who she wants by her side.and they wouldn't let her down.after giving some thoughts she don't want them but her family.she would do anthing for them but they would appreciate it just for a minute after that they're back to their normal stupid damn behaviour.why is this happening to her?what big sins have she done?every night she would sit in her room,alone,smoking and thinking bout her life.she's always cries at night without fail.thinking back is it worth the tears??why should she appreaciate someone who don't feel te same?but,how could she think such a way?they are her bloods afterall.sometimes when someone asked bout her family she would make up some strories so that people outside wouldn't know how she really feel inside.her heart breaks whenever she sees a happy family.she thought why can't her family be like others.haha.well,her used to favourite brother always told her that we can't compare others,but after he was attached he simply throw his damn stupid sister aside.how did she feels when the one who she really trust and depending on treat her this way?well,tell you want she just want to be damn bad till everyone back at home hate her so much.but she just don't have the heart to do it.she might be bad and naughty at times but she's not bad.she knows her limit.but what the hell.this is real world.what is she suppose to do?someone told her to be patient but patient alone is not enough.wondering when will everything be fine.

2008-06-03T16:47:00.000-07:00

well let's just say that i can't sleep till now.i don't know why.i just wonder why can't i stop thinking bout him?i tink i've lost my heart.not in the streets but to EIRELL BIN KAIRUMAN.haha.he's really a nice guy.a joker though.haha.i gave my heart to him on 12may2thousand8.i didn't think of getting hurt till now since i can't sleep,i've been doing some thinking.will he hurt me like the rest did?well,what can i say.they want a piece of me.haha.when he's around my heart beats in such a way i don't know why,don't ask me,ask my heart.when he's not around i just miss him badly.sometimes it's not worth showing the pain behind those mask.but he treat me like a princess.i knew him last year.i won't fall for a guy that easily but he is so different.well,i know this is what people would say when they are in love but i just can't help it.i'm not in a relationship wif him.but we both felt the same way but we're still friends.doesn't mean he likes me,i like him we've to be together right?i just don't want to rush things.i'm only 8teen.i still need to explore things out,well,he agreed.but i just can't deny,being around him is so fun,i just don't want it to end but unfortunately it has to0.hah.what can i say.well,whoever gets to be his girl is very lucky.we taught each other alot of things.he learn from me,i learn from him.well,that's

enough for me.i need nothing more.he's always there for me.he would paste a smile on my face.he would do anything to paste it on my face.well,lets just say he doesn't want me to be sad.he would tell me his silly jokes,but the weird thing is even if it's silly i would still laugh not forcing but willingly.hmm,well,i just love him and i don't wish to lose him.

2008-06-03T16:41:00.000-07:00

this must be the hardest things to do

but i have to0

it's something that we both really feel inside

but never talk about

a dangerous game which is very hard to score

you would probably think i'm crazy

but love is a game which most people can't play

i'm not being rude

but it's about how strong is your trust and sincerity

it's not bout the loks but the heart

but it's just so sad that i can't be with you

2008-06-03T12:39:00.000-07:00

sorry if i'm the cause of the rain,

i know i ain't that perfect,but whatever i am u're always there for me,

thanks for loving me for who i am,

i know there's nothing between us but the speciality in each of us are outstanding,

ain't gonna change,

it's just so hard to see the pain behind those mask,

but it doesn't matter,

cause everytime i look or think of you there's a huge smile on my face,

and it's all because of you,

i ain't gonna make you smile with this words but it's really true,

no man makes me feels so special,

and you respect me alot,

you always do something that i can't explain,

you made me smile and didn't care what people have to say,

well,

i have something for you,

i really appreaciate you for who you are MOKTUMMY.

i don't care what people have in mind cause i don't give a a shit.

2008-06-03T12:30:00.000-07:00

SUNSHINE!!!!!

you're the sun who always make my day bright eventhough it's getting dark,

you make me smile even without looking at me,

you gave me love even a lover can't giveyou make me feels so special like there's no others,

you make me feel comfortable b be myself without even judging me abit,

you protect me like i'm yours,

you praise me and saying i'm special and i'm special because you're special EIREEL BIN KAIRUMAN

2008-05-23T10:11:00.000-07:00

saying Goodbyes is the hardest thing to do,
and i never get the right time to say goodbye,
but we know that we gotta go our seperate ways,
its better to teLL you now,
i didn't mean to crash your world,
i gotta make the right move or you ganna hate me,
i never feeL the same ways Like how i used to feeL for you boy it's not you,
it's me,
i have to figure out what i want and need,
trust me boy i ain't fooLing arnd,
Listen to heart and teLL me what it says,
i ain't gonna Lie no more,
sometimes it makes me wanna cry,
did u ever see me cry infront of you,
it's just so hard but i gotta do it,
i don't wanna hurt you no more,
what i wanna say is "GOODBYE AND TAKE CARE"

2008-05-21T11:48:00.000-07:00

weLL,what can i say about Love?
it's easy to be in L0ve and in Relationship,
if you reaLLy treasure and L0ve them,
then it's easy to maintain it,
aLL it takes is L0ve and understanding and being honest with one and other,
never negLect your L0ved ones cause not onLy yours but your L0ver's Life wiLL start turning chaos,
your L0ver wiLL L00se theirseLves more than you can imagine,
everything wiLL just end in a bLink so cherish the one you Loved and be truthfuLL,
aLways be there for them and never ever say goodbye,
eventhough you are going home aLways say "SEE YOU LATER"
instead of saying "GOODBYES"
because goodbyes are known to be your last meet,
but why say it when you are happy being together,
aLL you have to do to maintain your reLationship is trust,understand and be honest with them,
don't hoLd back if you need to teLL them something,
even if you think they gonna Let you go,
atLeast you are being honest with them rather than hide it from them,
they should be thankful that you are being honest with them,
cause it's rare to get someone who is straightforward and who have the guts to admit their own mistake.