puteri nur fitri

i want my father back!i want no one else!my life is totally different!i hate my life!i can't let him go.people say i've to learn to let go but i can't.i just need him in my life NOW.i'm 8teen,for god sake,i need him to guide me.i know you must be wondering girls usually need their MOM when they grow up but i need my FATHER.MY OWN BLOOD FATHER!!!i don't need any STEP OR SECOND-HAND FATHER.my life is a MESS.i shouldn't have agree with my mom.i shouldn't let her re-married.i don't like the sound of it.i don't care what you people think about it.i just want my family back,where there is laughter,joy,smile.i need it badly.I WOULD SELL MY SOUL JUST TO SEE MY FATHER ONE LAST TIME.well,whenever my second-hand father is around i've to wear a mask and i've to do everything right or else my mom would throw me her sad face and she really wants me to behaved just for him.who the hell is he?he's also a human-being.no one's perfect and i don't give a shit to him anymore.i'm starting to hate him even looking at him disgust me.i'm not trying to be rude.but whenever he's around everything must be perfect and well behaved.come on we're old enough to think.my mom change TOTALLY,just like transformers.you know what,sometimes i'm mad at my mom.in her mind that man is her 1st priority,but we're in her life 1st then him but why the sudden change?i know they are married but must she..god i don't even know how to explain.i don't even like staying at home anymore.i just want to stay outside for as long as i could.sometimes thinking of it makes me cry.but is it worth it?can i just go on to my seperate ways?i don't know when im going to tell my mom bout this.but if i do,it would break her heart but thinking back she always breaks my heart by putting me aside.i cant't believe she build me up and tear me down just like an abandoned house.deep inside my heart is breaking.never going to let HER take the world away from me.i can't believe myself,girl who gives advices to her friends can't even think right now.i can't believe i'm broken inside.trying to hide the pain but it seems so obvious.well,i never saw it coming.this is the first time i ever felt so lonely.how i wish someone could cure this pain.i thought my mom would come around when i ignore her but she's just busy thinking bout herself and not her daughter.i'm going to live today like it's my last day.i'm going to ENJOY and change to better in time to come.JUST WATCH ME!!i think i can make it on my own.